"Just be more patient with her."
This is what I tell myself on a daily basis when thinking about Miss C, my 3 year old daughter. "I just need to be more patient. She's only 3. She is supposed to test limits and assert her independence. These are things I want her to do. I don't want her to grow up afraid to do anything because it might be wrong, like I was."
But patience can only get you so far. Patience runs out quickly when the tired or the hungry creeps in. I think what I really need is compassion.
I began to think about this after my second daughter, Miss B, was born. We feel compassion for babies because they are helpless. When they cry, we meet the need, whatever it is. We are designed to respond to a baby's cry. Toddlers are a different story. At some point, they start using that whining and crying to manipulate and our job as parents gets harder because we have to start disciplining. Crying and whining doesn't fly anymore when you can talk (especially when you can talk as well as Miss C can). We have been working with her for a long time on using a "pleasant voice," when she wants something. Whining doesn't get you what you want. This is a difficult concept to learn. Especially when your baby sister gets everything *she* wants when she cries.
I need compassion for Miss C. Compassion doesn't excuse bad behavior or negate the need for discipline, but it does allow me to stop seeing her as a little adult. My long-winded explanations or short-tempered responses are not going to help her. She is only 3.
Compassion means dying to myself a little more.
This is hard for me. I am selfish. There is no room for selfishness in parenting. God has given me children to raise to become compassionate people who love him and love others. He is teaching me compassion through my children.
It is hard, but anything that is hard will be more rewarding in the end.
"Lord, fill me with compassion for my children," I now pray on a daily basis.
